Eden's Garden

Happy Holidays—Eden

Sorry I haven't been blogging! Everything is just so crazy at this time of year. So how was everyone's Christmas, Chanukah and Kwanza! I would like to know what everyone got! For Chanukah I got a chicken ornament, a movie "The Family Man,"  some books and some journals. For Christmas i got a mini fooseball table, Twilight game, 2 necklaces, $25 Borders gift card, $25 Michaels gift card, a $50 Justice card, $5 check and a shirt from Justice. I got some other things, but I don't really remember.

I go to church on Christmas with my dad and grandma,  because it means a lot for my grandma. So I go up and get the drink. Last year I got the wine instead of the grape juice. This year we said that we have to be more careful and read where the grape juice is. So the paper they handed out to us at the church said that the grape juice was in the center of the plate. So I took the center drink, but it was wine again! I hate the taste of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't even drink all of it!

Tomorrow is the New Year! Welcome 2010! I go over to my friends house with our parents and we watch the ball drop on T.V. We watch the Dick Clark New Years,  or something. But it is really good!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have some New Year resolutions, they are: I will try harder at practicing my viola and piano, study my math notes better, and I will do more things to help my parents. I have some more resolutions but those are the most important ones I think.

What are yours? Can't wait to hear from you again!

Racism—Darlene

I mentioned several posts ago that a kid in Eden's school came up to her and asked if he could hug her. She said no and then he said, "Because it's hug an Asian Day." well, we did tell Eden's wonderful school counselor, who immediately involved the vice principal. They are waiting for Eden's permission to proceed. But we are conflicted. When Eden was in 4th grade, one of her classmates made an unkind Chinese remark. Eden told her teacher, as we had advised her, and the student was sent to the school counselor. This kids was basically a nice kid who said something stupid. He was very upset that he had been sent to the school counselor. After that, he found beneath the radar ways to make Eden's life miserable. Since then she has been understandably reluctant to name names. I have been trying to convince the school that high to do more to foster understanding and tolerance. Saying a few things here and there doesn't cut it.

There's been a very serious situation in a South Philadelphia high school between Asian (Chinese) kids and African American kids. It turned violent and has been an ongoing news story examining the problem from all different angles. I have suggested to Eden's school that it's better to be proactive than have to solve a problem after it's become a serious situation.

Beyond suggesting that the school launch a school-wide initiative, I'm not sure what will happen next with this particular situation. Eden is amenable to her counselor speaking with this kid, but she doesn't want her name used. Understandable. I think she's brave because this kid will know who it is even if she isn't identified. So we'll see.

Sometimes it hard being a parent and keeping your own anger in check. I am furious with this kid for making mine feel bad about herself, even for one second.

Chanukah-Eden

It is the 3rd day of Chanukah! My mom is Jewish, so we always celebrate Jewish holidays in addition to Christian holidays. My mom likes to say, if there's food involved, we celebrate it! So far, I got a glass chicken ornament (in honor of my adopted chicken, Lemon), striped fuzzy slipper-socks, and the movie, Family Man (a family favorite). To celebrate the miracle of Chanukah, you light 1 candle each night for 8 nights. Since my friend (Nicole) is Jewish, I got to go with her to her synagogue on Saturday. Even though I don't know Hebrew, I love to go. I remembered some prayers. Luckily we get to go to the kids services, which are a lot shorter. Since Nicole's brother is now a bar mitzvah, he has to go to the adult services. The kids services are 1 hour, but the adult services are like 2 hours. Even though I enjoy going with Nicole and her family, the services are long to me, and I don't even have to go every week. It is a cool experience though. So Happy Chanukah to everyone!!!

Time Magazine—Darlene

Well, my letter to editor was printed in the current issue of Time magazine. As you’ll recall, I wrote to complain about Joel Stein’s “with all the Chinese babies we’ve taken, we owe them at least one kid” comment. They did some weird editing and actually cut out the most important sentence. But at least it got in there. And I hope Mr. Stein thinks twice about making such insensitive comments that are meant to be funny. So, if you get Time, check it out.

I don’t want to be one of these people constantly up in arms because of real or perceived insensitivity on the part of others. But when you watch your child struggle with unkind comments about both adoption and being Asian, it’s hard not to react. Let’s hope that continuing to educate others will foster greater understanding.  

Book Signing—Darlene & Eden

Tomorrow we will be at Barnes and Noble in North Wales, PA, for a book signing/fundraiser. We will be talking about our book, Star of the Week, A Story of Love, Adoption and Brownies with Sprinkles. We were contacted by Jayne Blackledge, a librarian at the North Wales Library. She had read our book and loved it (we've had a lot of great feedback from librarians, which is so meaningful to us), and discovered that we were local. So she invited us to appear as part of a day to celebrate and raise funds for the library, which is moving to a bigger space. Yay libraries! Yay librarians! Looking forward to the appearance and to speaking about our book. We did a book signing (also a fundraiser for our FCC group and Half the Sky) at Children's Book World in Haverford, PA, last week. It was very nice; we had a good turnout. Yay friends! The owner, Hannah Schwartz and her daughter Heather, were so nice—they even baked some brownies with sprinkles.

A Father for Brittany—Darlene

Wow. I spent a lazy few days hanging on the couch after cooking Thanksgiving dinner. It doesn’t take much to wipe me out these days, and I find cooking (especially for a big group) to be pretty stressful. Anyway, I was watching my new obsession, Lifetime Movie Network (more bad movies than you can shake a stick at), when this movie called A Father for Brittany came on. It was based on the true story of a man who fought for custody of his adoptive daughter after his wife died. It was something of a landmark case.

Keith Lussier and his wife Kim decide to adopt from Korea after they discover they’re infertile. They begin proceedings when Kim becomes ill with uterine cancer. The social worker urges them to move forward with the adoption, which they do. Brittany arrives from Korea. Kim dies (unbelievably sad, she was only in her 20s I think) and Keith, who was ambivalent about becoming a father, works through his grief by be the best possible father, with lots of help from his parents and in-laws.

The story takes a horrible turn when the baby is taken away from Keith because the adoption wasn’t final and the adoption agency did not permit single parents to adopt. It was heartbreaking to watch that baby wrested away from the only father she’s ever known.

Keith fights the decision in court. His mother urges him to let it go since Brittany isn’t his “real” daughter—an idea Keith forcefully rejects. The judge, using common sense (pretty rare these days), decides it’s in Brittany’s best interests to remain with the person she regarded as her father and awards Keith permanent custody.

It was quite a story and made me think about how men can be discriminated against when it comes to child custody issues. My husband is as close to Eden as I am and I don’t believe mothers are necessarily better parents. I think men often get the short end of the stick. In families where the moms stay at home, the dad is often expected to bring in the big bucks in big, stressful jobs. To do that he is forced to work long hours, which takes him away from the family and often ends poorly. I feel bad for men in this situation—a scenario I have seen over and over again.

Anyway, back to the Brittany movie. I was pleased with the outcome and loved the message that the nature of relationships trumps biology. Unfortunately, I’m not sure this idea is going to be valued in the new show coming on TV called Find My Family. Has anyone seen the commercials for it? I cringe every time it comes on. I know I’m judging without seeing it first but for families formed through adoption, this is such a sensitive issue. I will comment on this more after (or if) I’ve seen the show.